NURTURING FAMILY RELATIONS. EPH. 6: 1-4; 1 TIM. 5: 1-8.
EPHESIANS 6: 1-3, 4; 1 TIMOTHY 5: 1-2, 3-8.
PLEASE OPEN YOUR BIBLE TO EPHESIANS 6.
The theme of today’s lesson is that a right relationship between parents and children honors God and brings blessings to the family.
The Biblical Truth asserts that parents of children of all ages have responsibilities to one another in developing strong family relationships. A person is very fortunate if he or she has been born into and reared by a loving Christian family. But healthy families are not accidents! They are the result of intelligent, loving commitment. They are the results of commitment on the part of the various members of the family. The Bible puts high emphasis upon the family. Christians need to understand the importance of investing time, effort, and intelligence to having a good Christian family.
In some families brothers and sisters have strained or broken relationships with other brothers, sister, or both. These problems off-times stem from childhood rivalries, sometimes instigated by parents. Gen. 25: 28 says, “Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” The rivalry between these two boys continues today between the Jews and the Arabs.
Gen. 37 reveals the hatred the ten brothers had for Joseph because he was favored by the father Jacob. Benjamin may have had the same feeling.
Varied personalities of children make it difficult to treat each the same. With Harold the belt was the most effective persuader, while with Linda the same results could be achieved by talking.
Sometimes kids come up with their own ideas of the family relationship. As a teen-ager Shirley came to ask if she had been adopted into our family. My reply was, “If we had the privilege of choosing a child, do you think we would have chosen you?” That question was never asked again.
God never said rearing a family would be easy. He had much to say showing his concern for the flesh and blood siblings to relate to one another in love, forgiveness, reconciliation’s, and unity.
PLEASE READ EPHESIANS 6: 1-3.
God has a plan for the home. In these verses Paul focused on the relationship of children to their parents. Paul wrote to the Ephesians about relationships among different groups. One group he addressed was children and their parents. Children are to obey and honor their parents, and fathers (parents) are to raise their children in the teaching and practice of the Christian life.
Paul also wrote later to Timothy and gave him instructions about the church. Paul gave Timothy specific instructions on how he was to relate to and interact with different members of the church: older men, younger men, older women, and younger women.
Relations with the family of God should reflect relationships within the physical family. Paul also gave instructions on how the church is to relate to one specific group: widows. Families are to take care of their own, but when there are widows who have no family, the church is to step in and provide for those widows who are trusting in God.
Just as Paul wrote directly to wives and husbands in last Sunday’s lesson, he now wrote to their offspring: children. The modern language Bible says, “Children, you belong to the Lord, and you do the right thing, when you obey your parents.” Paul was inspired by the Holy Spirit to write this. God can claim ownership of each child even as He claimed Jeremiah in Jer. 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” In Isa. 44:2 He said to Jacob, “Thus says the Lord who made you and formed you in the womb, who will help you.”
Paul assumed the presence of children in the assembly of the Ephesian believers where his letter would be read. His charge to them was simple: “Obey your parents in the Lord.” When you are under another’s authority, it is implied that whatever you hear you will obey. In this context then, the command is for children to obey those who are their authority figures: their parents.
The word “children” generally refers to young children, but it can include offspring of all ages in a passage like this. The word Obey is stronger than the voluntary submission expected of Christian wives toward their husbands. What ages are children who are expected to obey their Parents? Disobedience to parents was expected of children and youth while they were growing up. Occasionally a young adult child returns to the home of his or her parents. This often creates friction. Most parents expect their children to obey them as long as the children are in their growing-up years.
Disobeying parents is a serious sin. Paul listed this as one of the sins of his own day, and as one of the sins of the last days (2 Tim. 3: 2.) The dynamics of a child’s obedience, or disobedience, change as the child moves through the life cycle. Adolescence is a transition stage between the dependence of children and the independence of adults. This transition is seldom smooth. The ride through the teen years is often bumpy for parents and youth.
Paul told Christian youth to obey their parents in the Lord. Such obedience is made easier, when youth recognize that parental expectations of obedience are consistent and loving, not when the demand comes from the kind of father in vs. 4. Obeying a loving parent is easier than obeying an abusive parent. Deciding what is the Christian thing to do in such situations is not easy. Fathers in the first century had such total authority that few dared question the most outrageous actions against his wife or children.
Paul wrote that obedience of children is right. Can the reason for obedience be stated any clearer? Because this is right states it in away that any child can understand. It is a natural law to obey one’s parents, a law inherent in us and recognized by other societies and cultures. Paul noted in his letter to the Romans in Rom. 1:30 that---in addition to various other evils---disobedience to parents was one of the signs of pagan depravity.
In writing to Timothy about the difficulties that will arise before Christ returns, Paul noted in 2 Timothy 3:2 that disobedience to parents was one of the characteristics of that godless generation. The law written on our hearts tells us this is right, and the command of Scripture tells us the same
A child who obeys his parents shows a submissive attitude and disciplined actions toward them and their wishes and thereby fulfills God’s will in the matter. . To obey is right for the benefit of the child.
Children need to learn from the wisdom and experience of their parents. Obeying them, children can avoid many of life’s pitfalls. For children to obey is also right for society. If a child is not submissive to his parents, how will he or she act toward a schoolteacher, an employer, or an officer of the law? Perhaps there has never been a day such as ours for lawlessness in the home. As the writer of our lesson was preparing to write, two young boys had been found guilty of killing their father. Luke 2:51says that obedient children please God just as Jesus obeyed His parents.
So far, in Eph. 6: 2-3 Paul had given two reasons for children’s obedience to their parents. Obedience is part of their Christians duty, and it is generally the proper action to do to fulfill the Lord’s plan.
He now added a third reason. Paul quoted Exodus 20:12, one of the Ten Commandments, when he reminded children to honor your father and mother. To honor means to “to estimate, to fix the value.” When we honor someone, we carefully consider the value of that person and give him or her the respect, admiration, and high esteem the person deserves. Honor is the reverent attitude that produces the right actions of obedience. Obedience is the duty and honor is the disposition that leads children to obey. Children must obey their parents but honoring ones parents is a lifelong obligation.
Children’s obedience to their parents is in their best interests. The Word of God promises that when children obey, life will go well for them, and they will have a long life in the land. All of us know of exceptions to this promise. However, Paul expressed a principle that is generally true of all generations---obedience is conducive to health and long life whereas rebellion often ends tragically. Why is this true? One reason is that parents’ wisdom and experience give guidance to a child. How many times has a child heard “do your homework,” “take your medicine,” and other admonitions? Parental admonitions no doubt help children walk toward happiness.
Another reason obedience pays is that an obedient child avoids potential dangerous situations. Most of us listened to our parents (perhaps a little impatiently) warn against drugs, alcohol, crime, and the type of crowd that does such things. As a result we avoided heartbreak these things cause.
A third reason is that obedient children learn disciplines that make for success in life. I thank God for my mother, who taught me to work hard, study diligently, respect authority, and put the Lord Jesus Christ first in my life. Certainly these disciplined actions played a monumental part in my wellness of life as well as my long life. Parents should love their children enough to teach them that they should honor their parents.
We should honor our parents always. Honor them while they are alive, and keep their honor alive after they are dead. One of the tragedies of human existence is when children fail to honor their parents while they can. Children should not postpone impulses to express love and appreciation to their parents. Many of the tears shed at funerals are expressions of remorse for failing to honor a loved one while the person was alive.
One of the marks of maturity is when a child realizes how much he or she owes their parents. When children are small, they seem oblivious to all that their parents do for them. If asked, they might respond, “That’s what parents do. What’s so remarkable that my parents do such things for me?”
The Fifth Commandment is crucial. Its position in the Ten shows its significance. It is the first of the six Commandments dealing with human relations. Paul also noted that it is the first commandment with promise. The Fifth Commandment promises a good and long life---that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. How does this apply to life today? One application is that obedience and honor for parents provides the kind of family that it’s the foundation of a stable society.
PLEASE READ EPHESIANS 6: 4.
In this verse Paul turned to parental responsibility toward children. Scripture is clear on the role of the children: they are to obey and honor their parents. The honor and obedience are to be present regardless of the parent’s attitude or disposition. The children are to carry out their duties in the Lord. Nonetheless, it is easier for children to honor their parents when those parents are also living and acting in the Lord. Proper family relationships are not just the responsibility of the offspring: parents are also to do their part.
Paul, in vs. 4, turned his attention to the fathers and their responsibility. The parental duty is given in reference to the father’s obligation, but that does not rule out the responsibility of the mother to follow this same command. The father is the leader of the home, and he sets the example for the mother to follow.
Paul addressed fathers because they have a major role in guiding their children. In the Greco-Roman and Jewish writings, fathers carried the responsibility for the training and disciplining of children. It is likely the Ephesisans thought this way too and that Paul addressed the male as the head of the household.
Parents, especially fathers, should watch their tempers in training children and not provoke or stir up anger in their children. How do fathers do this? They do it by making unreasonable demands on their children, by always claiming to be right about everything, by never expressing
Love and appreciation for their children and what they do, by inconsistent discipline, and by many other things. “Effectively, the apostle is ruling out excessively severe discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse of authority, arbitrariness, unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation, and all forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs and sensibilities. Take inconsistent discipline as an example. One’s discipline should be based on clear and constant principles, and should not vary with one’s moods.
The first command to the fathers is not to stir up anger in your children. “Stir up anger” means to provoke to anger, exasperate or arouse hostility. Paul means that the father must avoid actions, words, and attitudes that drive a child to exasperation and resentment, thus destroying his confidence, wounding his spirit, and repelling his love for God and family. Parents are to guard against actions such as insensitivity, humiliating words, unfairness, severe discipline, harsh demands, abuse of authority, inconsistent example, favoritism, unreasonableness, performance based acceptance, and nagging fault-finding.
Paul also gave a threefold admonition. First, bring them up. This statement refers t0 the warm, gentle, loving way a parent interacts with children to nourish them to maturity. Second, the father brings up his children in training---by his example, reproof, correction, punishment and word. Third, the child is brought up in the instruction of the Lord. This literally means, “to put or place in the mind” and refers to verbal teaching. The words from the parents can be informational, corrective, of a warning nature, or from the Scriptures. Again, while the apostle directed these words to fathers, his words apply to both parents as well as others who serve in the role of a parent. Paul modeled this for us in his nurture of Timothy as a spiritual child.
Children are gifts and trusts from God. We have them such a short time; and often before we are ready, they launch out into life to try their wings on their own. During the short time when they are in our trust, we are to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This is no mere human or moralistic discipline and training: it is the training and instruction that is grounded in Christ and revealed in Scripture.
Our study now shifts to instructions Paul wrote to Timothy about how to lead as he should in the Lord’s work.
PLEASE OPEN YOUR BIBLE TO 1 TIMOTHY 5.
3. PLEASE READ FROM 1 TIMOTHY 5: 1-2.
These verses 1-2 are among several N.T. passages that present the church as a family of faith and love. A good family life provides a model for church life. Likewise, a good church family provides a model for biological families. Paul used Timothy’s knowledge and experience with families to instruct him about how he as a young minister should relate to older and younger men and women. Basically, Paul told the young minister to treat older men as if they were his father; to treat older women as if they were his mother, to treat younger men as brothers, and to treat younger women as sisters. In this lesson we are studying this passage to apply the principles to parent-child relations.
As a minister, Timothy maintained relationships with an older man. An older man, by virtue of his age, position, and experience in life, deserves honor and respect. Paul warned Timothy not to rebuke, meaning, “strike upon, beat upon, or assault with words,” an elderly gentleman. Timothy was not to become an adversary with the older men in the Ephesian church. He was not to stand over them and rebuke them. Rather, he should treat them as family.
Jesus taught in Mark 3: 31-35 that all believers are fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters. All have a mutual responsibility to care for one another and provide Christian fellowship. In this context, individuals can feel secure enough to give their best efforts.
Instead of rebuke, Timothy should exhort the elder man as a father, meaning to give him the respect due one’s own father. Sometimes respecting the leadership and teaching of a younger man is hard for an older person. And sometimes a young man has difficulty knowing how to correct or instruct an older man. Rather than verbally scolding elder men, Paul directed Timothy to encourage them. Timothy was to treat the elder men with dignity and honor. He should use gentleness in persuading, not browbeating.
Younger men was a second age group in the church. These were men Timothy’s age or younger. Regarding these men Paul encouraged Timothy to treat them as equals, as brothers. Even though Timothy was a spiritual leader, he was not to look down on his peers; instead, he was to treat them as equals.
A third group in the church was older women. Paul encouraged Timothy to relate to them as mothers----show dignity, love, and deference. A fourth group was younger women. And in his relationships with younger women Timothy should treat them with all propriety or as sisters.
The meaning is that Timothy would remain vigilant regarding his attitude and his conduct as becoming a minister of the gospel. Treating you women a sisters meant Timothy should keep a degree of separation from them in order not to sin and damage his reputation and the church’s reputation as well.
The rule of thumb would be to treat the women in the church, as we would want our own sisters to be treated. That level of purity will banish sin, both in thoughts and actions.
Paul’s counsel to Timothy, now 2000 years old, is timeless. In our church are the same age groups: older and younger men, and older and younger women. How do we relate to these believers?
The lesson writer suggested that, we may find it hard to believe, but we are now considered to be the older group in the church. We are to be role models for the younger groups. We have a spiritual obligation to set good examples in relating to younger people in the church.
PLEASE READ 1 TIMOTHY 5: 3-8.
After addressing how believers are to act toward the different age groups within the church family, Paul focused on one specific group: widows. Widows presented a unique situation in the early church because many of them were completely destitute without a husband to provide for them.
There were no government programs to help support them. Acts 6 shows a problem that arose in taking care of the widows, a problem that was resolved with the choosing of seven appointed men to take care of their needs. Later, widows are mentioned as a special class in Acts 9:39-41.
Here Paul gave Timothy his judgment regarding the financial support of the Ephesian widows.
Paul reminded Timothy of the need to support widows. He was not to support just any widow, but only those who were genuinely widows, those women who were truly in need. Paul gave two qualifications for genuine widows.
First, the genuine widow is left alone. She has no immediate family to look after her needs, so the ministry of the church is critical. Second, the genuine widow has put her hope in God. Her trust in God is also seen in that she continues night and day in her petitions and prayers. Spiritual maturity, especially a powerful prayer life, is characteristic of these women.
By contrast, there are some women who have lost their husbands but do not qualify as genuine widows. Paul characterized these women as self-indulgent. This self-indulgent lifestyle carries with it the idea of a luxurious life. These women are looking to have their needs met in other ways. In vs. 9-16 Paul noted that the younger widows often desire to remarry. He notes that many of them are “gossips and busybodies” instead of being women who practice the spiritual discipline of prayer. Such a woman is dead even while she lives. She may be physically alive, but she has lost her spiritual vitality.
If a widow has family close by, it is the responsibility for the children or grandchildren to take care of her. Why? First, families should learn to do this because it is the right thing to do. To take care of the widow in the family is to practice their religion. Second, to take care of a widow in the family is one way to repay the earlier care the children received from her. Third, taking care of her pleases God.
Paul told Timothy to pass on these commands so that they won’t be blamed. Paul’s desire was for the widows to avoid the evil behavior he noted in vs. 6. Paul urged Timothy (and the church family of Ephesus) to value these widows by giving them respect and help. Their compassion should lead to practical assistance.
He also issued a warning to families, in particular to anyone who does not provide for his own relatives, and especially for his household. Failure to take care of relatives is inconsistent with the Christian’s faith and makes such people worse than an unbeliever. Even godless pagans see the need to take care of their relatives. Euripides described a failure to provide for one’s parents as the most haunting sin on earth. Aristotle said ‘a man must starve himself before he lets his parents starve.’
This natural duty is all the more critical for the believers, because the believer has the example of Christ’s love. If the Christian faith includes the law of love, then that love ought to be evident in the care of our relatives. To deny care to parents is to deny that Christ’s love is resident in our hearts, which is to deny the faith. When we love as Christ loved us, we are moved to take care of those in our families.
NEXT SUNDAY FROM GEN. 27 AND COLOSSIANS 3 WE SEE THAT A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SIBLINGS INCLUDES LOVE, FORGIVENESS, RECONCILIATIN, AND UNITY. A.V. DAUGHERTY altav@swbell.net
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