“IMPROVING SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS.” GEN. 27:41; 32: 9-12, 1-5; 33:1-3, 10-11.
GENESIS 27:41; 32: 9-12; 32:1-5, 33: 1-3, 4-5, 10-11.
PLEASE OPEN YOUR BIBLE TO GENESIS 27.
How tragic it is when brothers and sisters fail to love and appreciate each other. Unfortunately, brothers and sister often have serious problems with their relationships. Christian brothers and sisters should acknowledge it when they have a problem and seek to work it out in an agreeable manner. Many times these problems can be worked out with the help of wise and loving parents. But unfortunately, sometimes hatreds last for a lifetime! Christ is dishonored and Christianity is hurt when Christian brothers and sisters refuse to work out their problems.
Being a Christian means that we should work at improving our relationships with our brothers and sisters. The unbelieving world needs to see that Christians can work out their problems and live in harmony.
We looked at the beginning of today’s lesson last Sunday when we read in Gen. 25:28, “Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.”
Today’s lesson about the relationship between Jacob and Esau teaches that God’s people are to practice love, forgiveness, reconciliation, and unity in their relationships with their siblings. The biblical truths in this lesson apply in other relationships as well, such as those at the office or at Church. This lesson will help each of us, when we have conflicts with siblings and commit to improving our relationships.
PLEASE READ GENESIS 17: 41.
Sometimes a book or play begins with a crisis; then a series of flashbacks show what led up to the crisis. What scenes led to Esau’s determination to kill Jacob?
The first flashback is the birth of Esau and Jacob in Gen. 25: 19-26. Rebekah’s delivery was hard, but God spoke to her a prophecy concerning the non-identical twins to whom she gave birth. The older brother would serve his younger brother. When the twins were born, the younger was grasping the heel of his older brother. Esau was born first, but Jacob was grasping Esau’s heel. This symbolized what their lives would be like. This is how Jacob got his name. His name sounds like the word for ”heel” and means “supplanter.”
In that culture, Esau had the place of prominence. Even though they were twins, Esau was delivered moments before his brother and thus was the firstborn son. All the rights and blessings of the firstborn were his. But he lost both the birthright and the blessing to his younger brother through Jacob’s deceit. In both situations Esau failed to see God at work. All he saw were the deception and trickery of his brother.
The second flashback scene, in Gen. 25: 27-34 is the story of Esau selling his birthright for a bowl of soup. The boys were different in appearance; disposition, and priorities. Esau was an outdoorsman, a hunter, and the favorite of his father Isaac. Jacob was a mild indoor type, a thinker, and the favorite of his mother. This combination was bound to cause conflict.
The breach between Jacob and Esau began when Esau gave his birthright for some hot stew in Gen. 25: 29-34.
When the outdoorsman Esau came in from the hunt, he was famished. He smelled the pottage Jacob was cooking. Jacob bargained with Esau to trade a bowl in exchange for the family birthright. At the least the birthright was a double portion of the estate. At this point, the Bible does not condemn Jacob for being a shrewd trader, but it does condemn Esau in Hebrews 12:16 for despising his birthright and condemns him as a godless man.
The implication is that Esau preferred the gratification of his physical appetite to spiritual blessings. The breach widened dramatically when Jacob, with his mother’s help, deceived father, Isaac, and received from him the prophetic blessing intended for Esau, the firstborn.
The third flashback scene is in Gen. 17: 1-40. Rebekah and Jacob deceived Isaac into giving Jacob the blessing he wanted to give to Esau. All four family members looked bad in this story. Isaac’s favorite was Esau. He told Esau to prepare for him a special meal from his hunting. Isaac surely knew of the birth prophecy, and the selling of the birthright. Rebekah overheard the conversation and convinced Jacob to deceive Isaac. When Esau realized how Jacob had duped him, he spoke the words of Vs. 41
A grudge that may have been brewing for years came to full boil. Bitter enmity took up residence in Esau’s life because his focus was on all the things he lost to his brother. Esau determined that he would kill his brother Jacob. The man who so readily and easily parted company with his birthright was now ready to commit murder
He may have waited out of fear of his father. To kill the son who now had the father’s blessing might mean a total disinheritance from Isaac. More likely Esau waited because he simply did not want to hurt Isaac. Esau felt affection for his aged father and did not want to cause him any further grief. Esau chose to bide his time
Out of respect for his father, Esau would not kill Jacob while Isaac was alive: however, he planned to slay his brother Jacob after the old man died.
When Rebekah realized Esau’s plan, she knew this was no idle threat. She warned Isaac, and they decided they had no recourse but to send Jacob away.
Although Jacob received Isaac’s blessing, the deceit caused severe consequences: 1) he never saw his mother again; 2) Esau wanted him dead; 3) Leban, his uncle, deceived him; 4) his family life was full of conflict, and 5) he was exiled 1from his family. By the promise of God in Gen. 25:23 he would have received the birthright. He didn’t need to scheme this deception with his mother’s help.
The biblical story of Esau and Jacob shows what sibling rivalry is and what it does. Sibling rivalry turns siblings into rivals, competitors, and even into enemies. The siblings are placed in a position in which they seek the same things, which is often the love and favor of parents. The parents usually are unaware of the dynamics their actions create in the lives of their children. The obvious favoritism displayed by Isaac for Esau and by Rebekah for Jacob had devastating results. Jacob did not learn from this: he showered his love on his favorite son Joseph, which led his older brothers to sell him as a slave.
PLEASE TURN TO GENESIS 32.
PLEASE READ GENESIS 32: 9-12.
Between Gen. 27: 41 where Esau vowed “ I will kill my brother Jacob,” and Gen. 32:9 where we find Jacob praying to God, much had happened. We now move forward 20 years. In Gen. 28: 2 Jacob is commanded by Isaac to go to Padan Aram and choose one of his cousins, a daughter of Laban his uncle, to be his wife. In Ch 19 he is married to both Leah and Rachel. In Gen 29:30 his family grows as children are born to Leah, Rachel and their two handmaids.
In Ch. 31 God orders Jacob back to Bethel. On the way back Laban overtakes his son-in-law and accuses him of stealing Laban’s household gods. Actually Rachel had taken the idols, put them in the camel’s saddle and was sitting on them. Jacob never made evil use of these idols, which Rachel had stolen, but in Gen 35:2-4 ordered that they should be buried at Shechem.
One relation problem was behind him, but Jacob had another in front of him: reconciliation with his twin brother. Jacob sent word to his brother Esau to inform him of his return, but he did not know how his brother would react to the news. So he prayed. That is a wise action for all of us to take when dealing with relationships. Before we talk to the person with whom we have a conflict, we should first talk to God. The verses 9-12 of Gen. 32 contain the prayer of Jacob. He admitted his fear of his brother Esau and repeats God’s promise to treat him well and increase his descendents.
In his address Jacob reminded God that he was in the present predicament because he was obeying the Lord’s command to return to his home. Jacob also reminded God of His promise to prosper Jacob when he returned home.
This was a different Jacob from the one who, 20 years earlier, crossed the stream Jabbok and ran for his life. Now he no longer depended on his own ingenuity and resourcefulness. He enjoyed a personal relationship with God and knew how to pray.
Jacob’s obedience to God’s command had put him at risk again. He knew that return to Canaan meant facing Esau. So Jacob reminded God of His promise to prosper him. God is pleased when believers remind Him of His promises, not because we think God has forgotten them but because our reminding Him of His promises shows our trust in God and in His words.
Jacob’s heart is revealed when he acknowledged his position under God. It is hard to believe these words came from Jacob; he is no longer the supplanter. He prayed, “I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness You have show Your servant.” For so much of his life, Jacob was seen as a deceiver and a manipulator. No longer was that true. Jacob saw himself as unworthy.
Sin makes us unworthy. When confronted by God in all His holiness, we realize we are sinners and unworthy of God’s mercy. But God loves us and reaches down to us in His loving kindness. Jacob had met God, experienced his loving kindness, and expressed his unworthiness to be the recipient of such goodness from God. To say he was unworthy was to say that he was little. He was too little to deserve any of this from God, yet the mercy Jacob experienced were acts of kindness freely bestowed.
James 4:6 says, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Again in James 4: 10 we read “Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will exalt or lift you up.” Jacob did not want victory over his brother, only deliverance.
What was the kindness God had shown to Jacob? Jacob noted that over 20 years earlier he had made this journey with only his staff. He had nothing more in his hand or in his whole possession than his walking stick. Now look at him! God had so blessed Jacob that his family, possessions, and livestock were large enough to travel in two camps.
Jacob freely confessed to God that he was afraid of his brother. Jacob knew that Esau was coming to meet him with 400 men, and based on his last encounter with his brother, this naturally alarmed him and caused him fear. Jacob was clear in his plea to God: Please rescue me from the hand of my brother Esau. Jacob’s concern was not for himself alone. If he suffered at the hands of Esau, he would not suffer alone. If Esau came with a vengeance, he would attack Jacob, the mothers, and their children.
The first night away from home was significant in Jacob’s relationship with God. While he slept, he had a dream in which God revealed Him self to Jacob. In Gen. 28:20-22 Jacob made a vow to God in what sounds like a bargain. This may have been the only way Jacob knew of relating to any one, including God.
Jacob was a bargainer, a wheeler-dealer. This trait was only strengthened by his 20 years in Haran, working for his Uncle Laban. Rebekah‘s brother was the ultimate wheeler-dealer. He deceived Jacob by giving him Leah instead of Rachel as a wife. Jacob worked a total of 14 years for his wives. Jacob said to Laban in Gen. 31:41, “I have been twenty years in thy house; I served thee fourteen years for they two daughters, and six years for thy cattle: and thou hast changed my wages ten times”.
Jacob had held his own against the plots of Laban, but he had put his spiritual life on hold during those 20 years. He was busy outdoing Laban, accumulating wealth, and raising a family. Yet God blessed Jacob, and after 20 years under the control of his uncle, Jacob headed back toward Canaan as a wealthy man.
Jacob knew that when he got back to Canaan, he would have to face Esau. And how well he remembered why he had left Canaan! Jacob had no news that made him think that Esau would not kill him when he saw him. Therefore, as Jacob neared Canaan, he began to do everything he could do to avoid being killed.. Now he no longer depended on his own ingenuity and resourcefulness. He enjoyed a personal relationship with God and he knew how to pray.
PLEASE READ GENESIS 32:1-5.
Jacob’s first order of business was to appease his brother. He sent messengers ahead of him, not simply to announce the return of Jacob but to attempt to soften Esau. These messengers could also assess Esau’s attitude and determine if Esau’s intentions were kind or dangerous.
In their message to Esau the messengers were to identify Jacob as your servant Jacob. Jacob was not just being diplomatic. Some might think Jacob’s description of himself hints at a guilty conscience, but I think it better reflects a change in Jacob’s heart.
Jacob was well aware of the pre-eminence given to him through God’s blessing, a position that would more readily make Esau Jacob’s servant. Perhaps because of his position in God’s plan, Jacob was willing to give to Esau every outward honor and advantage. Jacob summarized the last 20 years in a short phrase: “I have been staying with Laban.” He was there as a stranger, so it implies that Jacob would eventually come home.
Jacob did not come home empty handed. He may have been delayed, but he was now returning with oxen, donkeys, flocks, male and female slaves. It is clear that Jacob was not crawling back looking for appeasement from his brother because he was poor and in need of his brother’s help. In other words, Jacob said to Esau, “I do not need your wealth or the wealth of my father. God has been good to me.”
No, it was quite the opposite. Jacob‘s words can even carry the idea that as Esau’s servant all these possessions were Esau’s for the taking. God had called Jacob back to the land, but Jacob knew that in his obedience he was placing himself at Esau’s mercy.
Jacob sincerely desired peace between him and his brother, but he knew peace might be hard to gain. Prov. 18:19 says “An offended brother is harder to reach than a fortified city, and quarrels are like the bars of a fortress.”
PLEASE READ GENESIS 33:1-3.
As Jacob limped out from his night of wrestling with God, he saw Esau approaching with four hundred men. Jacob still had no clue what his brother would do. One could naturally assume that such a large group of men was assembled for a search-and-destroy mission, to bring full vengeance and retaliation against Jacob and his entire family.
It may be that Esau regularly traveled with a standing army in order to keep the hostile people in the area at bay. Also he may have traveled with these men to show Jacob just how princely and powerful he had become. It is also possible that Esau brought his army in case Jacob was hostile, since Esau did not know Jacob’s intentions.
In his steps to appease his brother, in Gen 32:14-15 Jacob sent multiple gifts of livestock to Esau. In Ch. 33, the story continues with Jacob seeing the approaching army of Esau. As a military maneuver Jacob divided his family and flocks in case Esau turned hostile. With his many men Esau could do great damage. Therefore, Jacob made one last move in strategy designed to minimize his losses.
“He divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two maidservants. This put each child in a group with his mother.” This was probably a wise thing to do, but the sequence revealed that Jacob committed the same sin his parents had committed. Jacob made sure that his favorite wife Rachel and his favorite son Joseph were given the safest position---last in line. The 10 brothers saw this. We can only imagine how they felt, but we get a full picture of it later in Genesis. To Jacob’s credit, he placed himself in the most dangerous spot. Appropriately, Jacob was the point man. He would be the first one killed. As he came forward, Jacob bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother.
To bow down was the customary way to greet high officials. Jacob didn’t bow just once: he bowed seven times. Jacob would bow, get up and walk a few feet, then prostrate himself on the ground again. The repetition of this humble act was a token of respect shown toward kings.
In Isaac’s blessing to Jacob, he noted in Gen. 27:29 that others would bow to Jacob, yet at this moment we see the patriarch of the Hebrews bowing in humility before the patriarch of the Edomites. Jacob did not mean that Esau would rule over him, but he did show Esau the respect and consideration due him.
Seeking reconciliation is dangerous. Jacob still did not know what Esau would do. He knew that 20 years earlier Esau had been angry enough to say he would kill Jacob. He knew Esau was fully capable of violence. Trying to seek reconciliation makes a would-be peacemaker highly vulnerable. If two siblings have been separated by distance and conflict, courage is needed to try to bridge the gap. After all, it takes two to have reconciliation.
Seeking reconciliation is dangerous, but failing to seek it can result in permanent separation from siblings. Paul warned in Eph. 4: 16-27 against allowing the sun to go down on your wrath. Unresolved conflict with a brother or sister can cause deep grief if one of the siblings dies.
PLEASE READ GENESIS 33: 4-5.
What a wonderful and miraculous event we now read. The emotional strain on Jacob and his family must have been almost unbearable. Esau finally relieved the tension by his actions in vs. 4-5. Picture in your mind the scene in vs. 1-3, then picture what happened in vs. 4-5. The picture of vs. 1-3 shows Jacob moving toward Esau making a series of seven bows. Then suddenly Esau acted. He ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept.
The wording is almost the same as the meeting of the loving father and his prodigal son in Luke 15:20. “When he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.” If the elder son had seen the prodigal son in the distance, how would he have responded? Very likely he would have sent his brother back to the pigpen. This makes Esau’s welcome of Jacob al the more remarkable..
I’m sure it was clear from the expression on his face that Esau was running to his brother with acceptance. Truly the image of these two men, long separated now reconciled, is one of the Bible’s most beautiful scenes. Surely the family of Jacob and the army of Esau also rejoiced because of the reconciliation.
The tension of 20 years was broken. Each brother had reason for weeping. These were tears of relief, joy, and some grief. They could have been grieving at the loss of 20 years of precious time lost. Life is too short to spend 20 years in anger, guilt, and fear toward a family member. Jacob obviously felt great relief and joy that rather than killing him, his brother embraced him. Esau probably felt relief from the burden of anger.
In vs. 5 Esau helped break the tension by asking Jacob about his family, who by now probably had gathered about the two brothers-—“Who are all those with thee?” When Jacob left home he was unmarried and childless. Now Jacob’s answer expresses the biblical view about parents and children: “The children which God hath graciously given thy servant.” We can imagine how Jacob must have introduced each wife and child to Esau, their brother-in-law and uncle.
The question every reader asks is, “Why did Esau welcome his brother?” By any standard we use, this is the high point in Esau’s life. How do you explain it? W.H.Griffith Thomas gave this analysis: “Esau’s anger had gone in the rush of emotion on seeing his brother after all those years of separation. Rebekah was quite right in her knowledge of her elder son’s feelings. He was impulsive, hasty, passionate, but his anger did not last: there was no brooding revenge, no malevolence.”
PLEASE READ GENESIS 33: 10-11.
After all of Jacob’s family bowed before Esau, Esau asked Jacob why he had sent the droves of livestock. Jacob was honest in admitting that he was trying to find grace in his brother’s eyes. Then Esau said, “I have enough, my brother: keep that thou hast unto thyself.” Notice that Jacob also said in vs. 11, “I have enough.” Where else in the Bible do you find a rich man saying this? Where do you find two rich men saying this---and apparently meaning it? Both had reached a stage in life when they had learned a great lesson: relationships mean more than money and possessions.
The last part of vs. 10 also contains some powerful words. Jacob asked his brother to accept his gifts. “For to see our face now is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably.” Jacob never expected to see the face of God in the face of Esau. Jacob certainly was happily surprised. This was a way of saying that God had answered his prayer for reconciliation.
Reconciliation with God was now topped off by reconciliation with Esau. The divine expression Jacob saw in his brother may have also told Jacob that it was God who had changed the heart
of his brother. Just as Jacob had encountered God, so it is possible that Esau had also encountered God. Earlier Jacob had sent 550 animals as presents to Esau, and now he insisted that Esau keep them.
Jacob’s Heart was so full now that he had found favor with this estranged brother that he wanted to express it extravagantly. He truly wanted Esau to have the animals as a loving gift. Jacob could see the wonderful way God had worked in his life and Esau’s life to turn a potential tragedy into a heavenly reconciliation. When that happens we truly see God at work.
Jacob was insistent that his brother accepted his gift. The sincerity and earnestness of Jacob’s plea was evident to Esau. Esau’s acceptance would be he strongest proof that Esau had accepted and reconciled with his brother, so he accepted it.
Even today in Oriental culture, if a person refuses to reconcile with another, he will not accept a gift or a have anything to do with the offending party. To accept a gift is to accept the person and thus be fully reconciled.
NEXT WEEK WE LOOK AT THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN FRIENDS IN PROVERBS AND PHILIPPINES. avdaugherty@juno.com www.theweeks.org/av/