“BEING FRIENDS.” PROV. 17:17; 18:24; 27:5-6, 9-10, 17; PHIL. 4:1-3, 10, 14-16
PROVERBS 17:17; 18:24; 27:5-6, 9-10, 17; PHILIPPINS 4: 1-3, 10, 14-16.
PLEASE OPEN YOUR BIBLE TO PROVERBS 17.
Having learned how to improve our relationship with God by trusting Him and obeying Him daily, we then proceeded to find that a right relationship between spouses includes love and respect. If parents and Children of all ages recognize that they have responsibilities to one another the result is a relationship that honors God and brings blessings to the family. The relationship between Esau and Jacob, sons of Isaac, was a negative demonstration of a sibling relationship that lacked love, forgiveness, reconciliation, and unity.
Our closing lesson in the series concerning “Relationships Worth Improving” deals with “Right Relationships Between Friends.” The theme of this lesson is that a right relationship between friends is based on a common devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for each other’s best interests. We trust this study will help each of us be a godly friend and work harder at improving our relationships with our friends.
Our subjects for today’s lesson are Jonathan and David. Theirs was a friendship based on a common devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for each other.
Through the study of several proverbs and Paul’s closing words to the church in Philippi, we can discover how to become dependable friends who speak the truth in love, help settle disputes, and seek to meet the needs of our friends. This study today will challenge us, not so much on finding that friend but on being that friend. Please look with me at Prov. 17:17.
TEACHER READ PROVERBS 17:17. “A FRIEND LOVETH AT ALL TIMES, AND A BROTHER IS BORN FOR ADVERSITY.”
The Book of Proverbs offers practical wisdom on a variety of subject in daily living. Most of the book is a collection of pithy sayings. Many of the proverbs use Hebrew poetry, with often is written in some form of parallelism. Prov. 17:17 is an example of synonymous parallelism. Each line has the same basic meaning, but different words are used. The friend and the brother love at all times, even in times of adversity.
In the course of a lifetime, a person will make contact with hundreds of people and have scores of associations and acquaintances, but only a few choice friends. A right relationship with a friend is based on shared devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for each other’s best interests
Long ago Solomon wrote that a true friend loves at all times. Loving a friend is the heart of being a friend. But it’s not love only that makes friendship a reality. It’s love at all times. True friendship is stable, faithful, and supportive. It is not fickle, capricious, or iffy. When circumstances change, true friend do not. All times can refer to opposites; prosperity or adversity, sickness or health, good news or bad news, moods of bright optimism or dark pessimism. We all have fair-weather friends whose affection and attention change as quickly as the temperature. A true friend is always dependable. Ruth was such a friend. Her hallmark expression of loyalty to Naomi in Ruth 1:16-17 claimed that only death could sever her friendship.
The second part of Proverbs 17:17 may refer to two different persons. First, if brother refers to a flesh and blood relation, then the verse means that one’s relatives are a primary source of help in a difficult time. The old expression “blood is thicker than water” is true. One’s family might not always get along but can be counted on when a crisis comes. Second, friend and brother refer to the same person.
When a difficult time comes, one’s true friends are born (meaning “come to the surface,” or “appear”) and pitch in with help. Paul wrote in 2 Tim. 4:16 that when he needed a friend “at my first defense, no one came to my assistance, but everyone deserted me.” Difficult times prove the identity of true friends.
How is a true friend different from an acquaintance? Ambrose Bierce wrote a satirical book, which he called The Devil’s Dictionary. He gave the tongue-in-cheek definition of acquaintance: “A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.” “A degree of friendship is called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.” Bierce defined friendship as “a ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.” “False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade.” Normally we have more acquaintances than we have friends.
The relationships described in Bierce’s definitions fall far short of true friendship. A friend would be more likely to loan than to borrow. And a true friend’s relationship is not dependant on the wealth or fame of the acquaintance.
Bierce’s definition contains the words “fair weather.” These are the so-called “fair-weather friends.” The friend of Prov. 17:17 is no ‘fair-weather friend.” He will be a friend in storms as well as under blue skies.
William Penn wrote this statement about true friends: “A true friend, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably.” Randolph Bourne wrote, “Friendships are fragile things, and require as much care as any other fragile and precious thing.”
PLEASE TURN TO PROVERS 18.
TEACHER READ PROV. 18:24 “A MAN THAT HATH FRIENDS MUST SHOW HIMSELF FRIENDLY: AND THERE IS A FRIEND THAT STICKETH CLOSER THAN A BROTHER.”
An old saying is “Quality is better than quantity.” Some bible versions, including the King James Version, give the thought of the first part of this verse to mean that friendliness wins friends. The idea is that if you would have friends, you must be friendly. This is true. A friendly person will have more friends than someone who acts hateful and unfriendly. The way to make a friend is to be a friend.
A person takes a risk in offering to become a friend, it is an act of love, and love is always risky. But if a man does not make new acquaintances as he passes through life he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair.
A true friend must totally trust the person befriended. False friends betray trusts. When Judas came to betray Jesus in Matt. 26:50, the Lord called him friend, but Jesus did not use the normal word for friend. Instead He used a word meaning “companion.” In Ps. 55: 12-15 David lamented being betrayed by a trusted friend. Enemies can attack you but friends can betray you.
A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity. There is a friend who stays closer than a brother. Regardless of what happens, this true friend will remain supportive in times of crisis. He remains so close to us during our difficult days that the bond is closer than family ties. This friend is a safety net for our feelings and helps us keep reality in check during trying times that might otherwise lead us to despair. Such a friend becomes a blessing to us.
The Hebrew text could also say that a man with many friends may be harmed, meaning a person may be hurt who makes friends too easily and without discrimination. Some friends only play at friendship. The story of the Prodigal son in Luke 15:14 implies that as long as he had money friends came running and stuck around. But when he spent everything, he had nothing left, not even friends. Prov. 19:4 says, “Wealth attracts many friends.” But when the money runs out many people likely will run out on you.
The second part of the text emphasizes that it is better to have a true friend than many unreliable friends. To find a person who stays closer than a brother is a rare treasure indeed. All men have their frailties; and whoever looks for a friend without imperfections, will never have a friend. If you are like me, you need someone to stay close when you are going through hard times. We are told to go to a friend in adversity rather than in prosperity.
A good friend will remain closer (faithful, loyal) to you sometimes, more than a blood relative. Of course, none of us can match Jesus’ friendship. He is a true “friend of ….sinners.” Heb. 13:5 says, “He will never leave you or forsake you.” He is the epitome of dependability.
Prov. 17:17 used friend and brother interchangeably, but the second line of 18:24 says, there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. A best friend may prove to be more committed to your welfare than a brother. David, according to 1 Sam. 17:28-29, had several brothers. They played a small role in their younger brother’s life. At times they even exerted a negative influence. But David had a true friend in Jonathan. Aristotle wrote, “He has no friend who has many friends.”
PLEASE TURN TO PROVERBS 27.
PLEASE READ PROVERBS 27: 5-6.
Think for a moment of the people in your life. Do they consider you a dependable friend or just an acquaintance?
If a friend is dependable, then he will speak the truth. That level of friendship is seen in a friend’s willingness to say what needs to be said. The friendship is not jeopardized because of such openness. A friend desires to help a friend, and that sometimes means being blunt and giving an open reprimand.
Remember that the goal behind the proverbs is to show us how to live wisely. If a person wants to be wise, he needs to be open to reprimands and correction. This proverb does not directly address friends, so we are to understand any open reprimand, whether from a friend, a stranger, or even an enemy, can help us if we listen.
By contrast, there is concealed love. If I really love someone, why would I want to keep hidden something that would only help the one I love? We get more help when even an enemy corrects us than when so-called friends see the problem but keep their mouths shut because they don’t want to hurt our feelings. The rebuke may be painful, but it will do us good. On the other hand, how does silence help me? Ignoring a problem and avoiding honest communication can ultimately destroy whatever friendship was there to begin with. Prov. 98 says, “Rebuke a wise man and he will love you.” Concealed love, on the other hand, is none expressive and inactive, and benefits no one.
Love is the key word in vs. 5. We have already noted that any reprimand is better than hidden love, but what would be better for us than a reprimand given in open love? An enemy may speak the truth, but a friend will speak the truth in love. Vs. 6 points us in that direction: The wounds of a friend are trustworthy. A true friend gives us his time to speak openly to us, but he will not always be flattering. By contrast, an enemy can offer flattery with the deceitful purpose of covering his hatred. Too much flattery, like kisses that are excessive, is a thin veil over what is really in his heart.
Have you ever “eaten crow”. That is, felt compelled to apologize in response to godly correction? Each of us needs trustworthy friends who may lovingly rebuke us when we err.
But in vs. 6 introduces us to the reverse or opposite of vs. 5b. Instead of a friend whose love is concealed, the verse focuses on the excessive kisses of an enemy. An enemy hides his phony expressions of friendship by his kisses. For example, in Matt. 26: 48-49, Judas traitorously identified our Lord Jesus by a hypocritical kiss. Judas used the universal symbol of love and prostituted it to its lowest level. How much better we are to receive the wounds of a friend than the deceitful kisses of an enemy.
PLEASE READ PROVERBS 17: 9-10.
These verses celebrate the value of a true friend.
The use of oil and incense in Bible times gave a pleasing, refreshing aroma to rooms and one’s clothing. Consequently, their use brought joy to the heart. For example, when Daniel interpreted Nebuchadnezzar’s dream, the king, in Dan. 2:46, ordered an incense offering to Daniel. The proverb compares the sweetness of a friend to the physical benefits of oil and incense. A friend’s sweetness refers to his or her wise counsel as being better than self-counsel.
Oil soothes and incense gives a wonderful aroma, which naturally bring joy to the heart. Oil and incense also have symbolic value, for they remind us of how the words, encouragement, and even loving rebuke of a friend are soothing and healing to us. We think we know what is best for ourselves, but a true friend won’t gloss over the problem. His or her more objective counsel is better than self-counsel. Therefore their words, which are grounded in love for us, bring joy to the heart.
Do you remember a time when you had an issue bottled up in your heart and with no clear path to a resolution? Then a friend came to you and offered counsel that warmed your heart and helped you understand the best way to deal with the issue. You experienced the truth of the proverb---“the sweetness of a faithful friend’s advice is of great value.”
We have the same responsibility to be an honest, loving, and faithful friend. A true friend would not abandon us, and we are told, don’t abandon your friends. Neither should you abandon your father’s friend. This denotes a friend of the family, a friendship that is passed from father to son, like some wonderful family treasure.
Possibly the highest level of friendship is a father’s friend. This person is one who is tried and true, a loyal friend of the family over the years. In 1 Kings 5: 1-12, Solomon rejoiced greatly at the offer from Hiram, his father’s friend. He knew he could trust this man to faithfully deliver goods for the temple construction. In 2 Kings 12:6-8 Rehoboam split the nation when he failed to heed the sound counsel from his father’s friends.
We should not abandon these faithful friends of our father. However, a person cannot always count on his brother’s house in time of calamity. A close relative is a person you likely turn to in difficult times, but he or she may be too far away (either geographically or emotionally) to give assistance. Many of us have a brother far away, our flesh and blood family who live in another area of the country. So we must turn to a neighbor nearby in a time of calamity.
A neighbor nearby is a better risk and a better source of immediate help than the family member who lives a long way off. This neighbor nearby is the faithful, proven friend who wouldn’t give up on us anyway.
TEACHER READ PROV. 27: 17. “IRON SHARPENS IRON, AND ONE MAN SHARPENS ANOTHER.” This proverb deals with the influence friends have on one another. Have you ever tried to sharpen iron? What did you use? Not wood or plastic! Only iron sharpens iron. In the same way, one man sharpens another by being a true friend. We influence one another in our friendships, either positively or negatively. Our opinions, values, and life principles profoundly affect our friends.
When a friend speaks the truth in love to us, he is making us a better person---and a better friend. The fact that iron sharpens iron is used to describe what one friend can do for another. When friends honestly communicate and seek to improve the life of the other, then the truth that one man sharpens another is at work. Iron is strong and the only way we can take the rough edges off a piece of iron is to press another piece of iron aggressively against it. We should have a friend whom we allow to press against us with the truth, knowing that the harsh experience is done in love to keep us sharp and effective.
Moses sharpened Joshua, Elijah sharpened Elisha, Barnabas sharpened Paul and Jesus sharpened His twelve disciples. Friendly innercommunication hones others personalities. As the salt of the earth and the light of the world, God uses us to sharpen others
One of the
greatest mistakes of my life is I lose touch with my friends when I
move. . Most people have only a few close friends in a lifetime.
Cultivate those friends. Don’t lose touch with friends or old
friends of the family. Make a phone call or send a card. STAY IN
TOUCH
PLEASE TURN TO PHILIPPIANS 4.
PLEASE READ PHILIPPIANS 4: 1-3.
On his second missionary journey, Paul and his missionary team had taken the gospel to Philippi. He continued to have a close relationship to the church that was started there---the first church in Europe. When the church heard of Paul’s imprisonment, they sent financial help and one of their members to be with him. The member, Epaphroditus (ih-paf-roh-DIGH-tuhs), almost died. Paul sent Epaphroditus back to Philippi with a letter; Philippians. One of Paul’s purposes in writing was to assure them that his imprisonment was an opportunity to witness among his Roman guards. Another reason for writing was to deal with some fellowship problems in the church at Philippi. Paul had been through the trauma of disruptive dissension at Corinth. Philippi’s problems were not yet that serious, but he wanted to ensure that he did everything he could to restore the good fellowship in the church.
Philippians 4:1 reflects the way Paul felt about his brothers and sisters in the Philippian church. Notice the words the apostle used about their relationship. He called them my brethren dearly beloved. The term brothers, refers to the Philippian believers’ relationship to one another because they were in Christ. Each of them had experienced the new birth, and now each claimed God as his or her Heavenly Father. The church is the family of God; Christians are spiritual kin.
Second, Paul called the believers his joy and crown. Joy is a prominent theme in his letter and here refers to the happiness Paul felt because of his fellowship with the Philippian church. Paul also said they were his crown. Crown refers to the victor’s crown in the Olympic games. Paul preached to the Philippians, and they believed the gospel. They would be his crown of reward at the judgment day.
Third, Paul referred to the Philippians as his dear friends. He and they had an affectionate relationship with each other based on common love, interests, values, and their common desire to share the gospel. Having such enthusiastic partners in his ministry gave Paul joy. They did not replace the joy of the Lord, but they were his joy since his life and ministry were richer because of them.
Because Paul loved the Philippians (and Christ) so much, he urged them to stand firm in the Lord. The words stand firm, picture the Roman army with their shields literally interlocking together, standing fast against an oncoming enemy. As brothers and friends in the Lord, Paul wanted the Philippian church to remain steadfast and unified for Christ Jesus. They were not to become weak through disunity and turmoil. Consequently, Paul now addressed the broken relationship between two women in the church.
His words clearly show that he knew the two women. He called them by name, and he said they had labored with him in the gospel. In spite of these two women’s falling out, Paul affirmed that their names were in the book of life. Paul did not give the cause of the dispute between these two Christians women. He may not have known the reason. The reason was irrelevant. The act of the dispute was real, whatever the cause. Neither did Paul go into details about specific ways the dispute affected their actions toward each other. What was important was the reconciliation of the women.
Vs. 2 says the two women who were not getting along were Euodias (yoo OH dih ush) and Syntyche (SIN tih kee). Nothing is known about these two women or their dispute. Paul used he word urge twice to show that his exhortation was equally to one as to the other.
Paul urged the two women to agree---to be of the same mind, to be in harmony with one another. He felt the best solution was for the two women to solve their own problem. No doubt both women had minds of their own and had let stubborn pride and selfish ambition get in the way of cordial relations.
Paul admonished them to agree in the Lord. They were to live in harmony together in a way of life that is proper for all who have trusted Jesus as Lord and Savior.
In vs. 3, if the women could not resolve their dispute, the church was to help. Paul called the believers his true partner, which pictures two oxen in a yoke pulling the same load. The church (Paul being with them in spirit) was to come together and help these women reconcile their differences. Paul deemed the issue of unity so important that he urged the mobilization of the entire fellowship at Philippi, which included Clement and the rest of my co-workers. Euodias and Syntyche were servants of Christ. They had contended for the gospel at Paul’s side. The women had fought for the gospel but were now fighting each other. The book of life refers to a Register of God’s covenant people. Paul was sure these women’s names were in the book of life---all the more reason that, being believers, they should unite again in serving the One who had saved them.
When Paul wrote a letter to a church, he expected it to be read to the entire congregation. Paul felt that this situation had become so serious that his concern be made clear to the whole church. Imagine how Euodias (yoo-OH-dih-ush) and Syntyche (SIN-tih-kee) felt when this part of the letter was read to the church. Paul wanted the entire church to help these two women settle their problem and be reconciled. If this did not happen, this rift in fellowship could become increasingly serious. Paul knew from his experience how devastating a church fight could become.
TEACHER READ PHILIPPIANS 4: 10. “I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at last you have renewed your care for me. You were, in fact, concerned about me, but lacked the opportunity to show it.”
Paul had helped the Philippians by giving them wise counsel and God’s Word, but the Philippians had also helped Paul. The apostle now offered them his thanks. In fact, his thankfulness was in all likelihood the reason for the whole letter. In a fashion Paul thanked them in Ch 1 because of their “partnership in the gospel”. Beginning in 4:10, Paul explicitly thanked them.
Approximately 10 years earlier, Paul left Philippi in Macedonia and went to Thessalonica. Paul had hardly left Macedonia when the Philippians sent financial support to him. Over the years the church at Philippi continued to give financial help to Paul. Apparently a time came when the church lacked the opportunity to show love and support for the great missionary.
Possibly the saints were not financially able, or it could be they were not aware of the apostle’s need. But at last the church tangibly renewed their care for Paul by sending a gift. This act of love rejoiced Paul’s heart, and he expressed his gratitude to them. Paul further recognized that during the barren time when no support came the church was still concerned about him. As God enables us, we should tangibly meet the needs of our friends. When we are unable to do so, we continue to support them by our concern and prayers. We should never abandon our friends in need.
The Philippians’ support and friendship with Paul was clear in their desire to help meet his needs. Paul rejoiced in the Lord, not because of the gift but because what the gift expressed: your care for me. Paul’s joy was an unselfish, spiritual joy grounded in Christ. The Philippians had all along been concerned about Paul but up until this time they lacked opportunity to show it. Probably it means that they had lost contact with Paul in his missionary travels and adventures, or they had no way to get aid to him.
PLEASE READ PHILIPPIANS 4: 14-16.
There was no rebuke from Paul, but only rejoicing in Christ because when there was a need---an opportunity to give---the Philippians did not hesitate. Paul wrote in Phil. 4:13 that he was “able to do all things though Him who strengthens me”; nevertheless, he also wrote that the Philippians “did well by sharing with me in my hardship.” The word hardship no doubt refers to Paul’s imprisonment but generally means any trouble or heavy trial.
When the church’s love gift came, Paul knew the saints at Philippi were in koinonia with him, referring to their partnership, fellowship. It as if the church was in that prison cell with Paul, sympathizing and helping bear his burden. Certainly Paul appreciated the gift, but knowing the church’s prayers, sympathy, and support were with him meant much more.
In vs. 15-16 Paul reminded the church at Philippi of their long and faithful relationship with him. In the early days of the gospel, when Paul first witnessed in Philippi in Acts 16: 12-40, the new believers had been gracious and had shared with him in the matter of giving and receiving. And again, when Paul was in Thessalonica on his second missionary journey in Acts 17:1 the Philippians church sent gifts for his need several times. Usually, the quickest way to wipe out a friendship is to sponge on it! However, the nature of Christian friendship is that what one has comes from the Lord and belongs to Him. I give to a need as God lays on my heart. What I give to the Lord’s servants I give to the Lord.
His lesson theme is that a right relationship between friends is based on a common devotion to the Lord and a mutual concern for each other’s best interests. We should be lead to renew today our commitment to be a godly friend? Let’s begin being friends.
The four lessons of June deal with four aspects of body life in the church: Baptism, The Lord’s Supper, Church Leadership, and Spiritual Gifts. <avdaugherty@juno.com>